This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
