We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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