No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
