Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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