lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
