I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
