Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
