You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
