no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
