On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
