Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
