So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
