I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
