great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
