Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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