We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
