Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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