you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
