he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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