Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
