the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
