please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
