New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
