it hurts more in the daytime
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
