i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
