M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
