I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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