His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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