I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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