I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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