my mouth tastes like poor choices
he puts the penis in happiness.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
