i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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