she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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