you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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