I only kidnapped one of them. chill
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
