You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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