the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
