Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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