I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
