you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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