I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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