The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
