community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
