I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
