sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
