if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
