everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
As shirtless as possible
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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