I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
