drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
