Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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