woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
