the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
